This is a list of all the quotes I've collected over time (for a fair number of years).
| Quote | Person |
Added |
||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| I want to hang a map of the world in my house, then I am going to put pins into all the locations I have traveled to. But first I will have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| Severed foot is an ultimate stocking stuffer. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| I had this parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry." So it died. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what they were. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus? | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together." | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago | ||
| One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. | Mitch Hedberg | 1 year 24 weeks ago |