This is a list of all the quotes I've collected over time (for a fair number of years). I know there's a problem with the drop down selection box containing more than it should. I'm trying to tweak it so it lists only the people who have quotes attributed to them on this site, but for the moment it's listing every person that has any kind of content linked to them on this site. You can, however, click the name of the person on a quote to get a list of just the quotes by them.
| Quote | Person | Added | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| I want to hang a map of the world in my house, then I am going to put pins into all the locations I have traveled to. But first I will have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| Severed foot is an ultimate stocking stuffer. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| I had this parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry." So it died. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what they were. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus? | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together." | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago | ||
| One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. | Mitch Hedberg | 51 weeks 3 days ago |