Skip to main content

Quotes For George Carlin

This is a list of all the quotes I've collected over time (for a fair number of years).

Quote Person Addedsort icon
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car." George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done" George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin 1 year 24 weeks ago