I’ve been slowly playing catch up on many various episodes of The Colbert Report I’ve missed over the last year or so. For fun, I tossed together some of my favorites of his intro lines for the show (leaving off the “This is The Colbert Report!” closing)…

• This show is an acquired taste. If you don’t like it, acquire some taste.
• You’ve heard of truth in advertising? This is truth with advertising.
• Happy National TV Turn-Off Week, you hypocrites!
• Warning, the contents of USA Today are really about the USA yesterday.
• Nation, It’s time to grab the bull by the horns! If there are no horns, you’re grabbing a cow, stop it!
• Cleanliness is next to Godliness: Churches, fill your baptismal fonts with Purell.
• I got my mojo working—mojo, of course, is what I call my assistant Monica Johnson.
• This weekend, Hippies celebrated Earth Day; maybe one day they’ll celebrate Jobs Day.
• When life gets you down, don’t get mad… Get Stephen.
• Males aged 18-34 with disposable income, prepare to have your purchasing habits swayed.
• Could being a Nielsen family kill you? Watch the entire show to find out.
• America, remember the most important gun safety tip: if you have a gun, you’ll be safe.
• It’s the first day of November sweeps, and I’m pregnant!
• Tonight, the show is in…3D! Unless you are watching on a television.
• Don’t touch that dial, and if your TV has a dial… go get a new TV.

BTW, did the rest of you folks out there in the Colbert Nation pick up your issue #1 of Stephen Colbert’s Tek Jansen comic?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 18th, 2007 at 3:45 am and is filed under Entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.