Oh, the PAIN! Wow, sitting through this movie was pure torture. It started bad and got worse and worse as it went. The only reason I’m giving this movie anything better than a 1 out of 10 is for the fantastic cinematography and production design. I dislike musicals (with a few exceptions) and I also dislike the R&B music genre. Put them together and what do you get? One aggressively annoying movie for Guy to sit through. It feels like it will never end. If it wasn’t bad enough for me to have to endure the on-stage performances in the film, it’s the actual “movie musical” bits that are pure torture. They’re even bad for scenes from a movie musical. They take “stating the bloody frickin’ obvious” mantra of the average musical to new heights, and they do it in excruciatingly lame lyrics.
I had little intention of seeing this movie originally. I had been beaten over the head with the annoying trailer dozens of times. As an avid movie-goer, I hate it when a studio carpet bombs audiences with the same trailer for months and months and months before every movie of every kind. I couldn’t possibly have counted the number of times I saw it. And the trailer made it look horrid. It’s one of the rare examples of a movie that is correctly portrayed in the trailer. But, it was up for a bunch of Academy Award nominations, and I also had a couple friends trying to convince me to see it. They know who they are, and I’ll hold this against them for a little while. 
Writing: And if it wasn’t bad enough suffering through the musical aspects of the film, we have the script, chock full of stereotype characters and plotting. We have the mouthy, self-obsessed, whiney protagonist who by the end we are meant to root for (even though she’s still mouthy, whiney and self-obsessed). In a number of sequences in the film, I felt like reaching into the screen and slapping her silly, or at least yell at her to just shut up already. Then we have other characters who stumble through the film filling their perfunctory role. Need the controlling, egomaniacal agent? You’ve got Jamie Foxx (who admittedly is trying his best with the role). Need the washed up star performer? You’ve got Eddie Murphy (also doing the best he can - which is a nice change from the 95% total crap he’s made in the last decade). You’ve got Beyonce Knowles playing a music diva (whoa, a real casting stretch). How bout the well-intentioned, over-the-hill agent that Foxx’s character has to take down? For that we have Danny Glover (who does a better job at adding something to a stereotyped role than the rest of the cast does). The rest of the roles are equally forgettable. I need to stress that it’s not just the music genre that I hate having ruined this movie. After all, I’ve liked other movies based around music genre’s I’m not fond of (Walk The Line, etc).
Production: Here’s where the movie got it right. From the lavish, period production design to the gorgeous scope cinematography, this movie looks and feels fantastic. It’s a darn shame that nothing else in the movie is anywhere near the quality level that the production teams pulled off. If only.
Cast: I guess I already commented on the cast a bit when describing the characters above. I don’t particularly think it’s their fault that the characters don’t work. They certainly seem to be trying, and Glover nearly pulls it out of the fire. I don’t, however, understand all the raves that newcomer Jennifer Hudson is getting. I swear, all I wanted to do was tape her mouth shut with duct tape in every scene she was in. And if she was singing, I wanted to flee the theater. This screechy, warbly, wailing singing of the music genre drives me abso-frickin’-lutely bonkers. My spine wants to rip itself from my back and skitter away from the nerve grating sounds of the singers.
Music: I think I’ve made it clear JUST how much I LOATHED the music in this film. All of it. Without exception. Hated every last bit of it. Ick. And to think, I’m gonna have to sit through three of these songs again during the Academy Awards broadcast. Perhaps I’ll find something else to distract myself with during those numbers.
Needless to say, I will never be watching any of this movie ever again. Er, well, other than having to sit through tons of clips come Oscar time.
