I’ve actually got a few other reviews to post, but I need to get this one posted before my hatred for this movie fades. This is the first movie I’ve walked out on since, I think, Buffalo 66 (though I *ALMOST* walked out on Gosford Park - and truly regretted that I didn’t). So, the first indicator for how much I truly hated this movie, it’s the first one I’ve walked out on in 8 years. I kinda like Jason Statham. I’m not a big fan or anything, but I think he can be a fun actor. However, he seems to go out of his way to find a worse action movie than his previous with each role he takes. For the record, I made it through roughly 45 minutes of this movie. I got up and walked out when I just couldn’t take it any more. I am a big fan of Amy Smart, but I got so annoyed with this movie that I couldn’t wait any longer for her to show up in the film. BTW, how does somebody get second billing in a movie and not even show up during the first half? So, perhaps it got slightly better when she finally showed up - but I doubt she would be enough to redeem this piece of steaming crap.

Date Movie can thank this movie for diverting my negative attention for the year. Point of fact is that I just thought Date Movie was embarrassingly unfunny. This movie I actively hated. It’s one of those “gangsta” wannabe films, where 50% of the words uttered are four letters long. The violence is not only gratuitous, often pointless, but is also done in ways to be outwardly offensive. For those who saw (the excellent) Inside Man, consider this to be the movie version of the intentionally over-the-top GTA-styled video game the kid is playing on his PSP. We have our “hero,” Chev Chelios (the name is the most inventive thing this movie has to offer), cutting a path of idiotic destruction wherever he goes, assaulting not only the innocent everywhere he goes, but also risking the lives of countless people on his self-riteous quest for revenge. He’s portrayed as this smart, no-nonsense kinda guy - but he’s a complete, total frickin’ moron at every turn. He’s one of the most reprehensible characters I’ve seen on film, and not in a cool way. Were he portrayed as a bad guy of some kind, it wouldn’t be so bad, but they’ve got characters making statements along the lines of “you’re a good guy, it was great to know you.” This isn’t your average Bruce Willis anti-hero (if you wanna see an infinitely superior movie based on character desperation, see Willis’ underrated 16 Blocks). Chelios is a complete slimeball trying to be passed off as the hero of the story. Characters continually keep telling him he should already be dead, and I kept wishing they would finally be right. This guy makes Robert Patrick’s T-1000 from Terminator 2 seem like a complete wimp. It’s laughably bad. Truly pathetic wrighting and film making. To say I had nothing short of utter contempt for this movie would be a perfectly accurate sentiment. This is one of the single worst movies I’ve seen in years. My ultra-rare moral reprehension for the film is only part of it. The attemt at “style” through the use of grit and chaos is purely lazy and doesn’t work for the movie in the slightest. Did I mention how much I loathed this film? It’s pure crap, unfiltered and unrestrained. Granted, I’m only speaking for the first 45 minutes, but I didn’t see it getting any better. If anything, the movie was getting worse as it went. Statham, it’s gonna take a small miracle to get me to go to your next action film. The Transporter was stupid but still fun. Transporter 2 was even dumber, but still slightly fun (through barely that). This was as dumb as you get, and in no way fun. I even had that uncomfortable experience of being in a half filled theater watching it, with the target 14-year-old snot-brained boys laughing at some of the most despicable moments I’ve seen in a while. The middle-eastern cabbie that you’ve been risking the life of finally doesn’t wanna drive you around any more? Throw him from the cab and steal it. But hey, don’t stop there - point at him and yell Al-Qaeda to all the onlookers. And since this is THAT kind of movie, have all the people at the nearby cafe, including the little white haired granny, attack the guy, breaking his limbs. Yeah, this is entertainment.

Lionsgate, you should be ashamed of yourself for distributing this crap. Or perhaps you take pride in distributing pure drek.

Did I mention I detested this film?

This is the worst movie I’ve seen so far this millennium.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 4th, 2006 at 5:55 pm and is filed under Movie Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.